Andrew Newsham

Greetings,

My name is Andrew Newsham and I've just got out of a meeting with Death.

I'm sorry, but he says you're all going to die.

I reasoned with him but he wouldn't listen. He wouldn't even agree to kill off all the assholes first. That's death for you, the worst kind of bureaucrat. Still, at least you've got fair warning. Go out and sniff the daises while you can. Me, I'm going to spend the rest of my time on the planet writing stories, novels and poetry. It's what I like doing. I like to think it's what I was born to do, way back in Burnley, in the North of England, in the summer of 1975. I'm told it was a good year for daisy sniffing. Some people like what I write. They find it funny and illuminating in a sick kind of way. I'm grateful to all of them, in particular my colleagues in arms at Birmingham Central Library and the people at West Midlands Arts who've supported me with a couple of grants this past year. It's with their help and encouragement that I've made my way to The Kerouac House where I am busy working on my first novel. It's called A Story Of Heartbreaking Romance. I haven't signed any contracts yet so I'm considering selling it to the highest bidder on Ebay some time in July. Winner takes all to do as they please. You can read the first few pages below. There are also a couple of short stories after the excerpt, one which won the Esquire prize for short fiction in 2001 called The Fat Tony Crisis and a new piece called Palmed-Off Sunday which I've written for a collection of short stories I'm putting together called Jesus Wept. These days it's hard to be taken seriously as a writer unless there's been a fatwa issued against you.

I'm also featured in a couple of short story compilations called Hard Shoulder and Birmingham Noir. They are available on-line from Tindal Street Press at www.tindalstreetpress.com

Now those of you who haven't run out into the street looking for daisies to sniff, I compliment you on your taste and judgement. You know, even if they can find a daisy, I'll lay good odds that it will smell of dog piss.